Self-Coaching Tip: Look at the Expectations Behind Your Intentions

Recently I was asked to speak to a group of Life Coaches about the practical aspects of blending self-coaching and spirituality into their everyday lives. During the discussion, it became apparent that many of the participants were keeping their spiritual practice separate from the rest of their day.

They often spent up to an hour each day in meditation, yoga, and/or prayer. But, they relied on that hour of spiritual practice to carry them throughout the day, usually with less than positive results. Most days they experienced some sense of lack or fear that washed away the feelings of connection they experienced during their spiritual practice.

As we continued our discussion, they were surprised to find that any feelings of lack or fear could, without any effort on their part, completely affect the rest of their day. Why, they wondered, couldn’t they maintain their connection to Source as easily as they maintained their connection to lack or fear?

We revisited their spiritual practices and discovered that while carrying out their daily spiritual practice, they held a conscious or unconscious intention to connect to Source. This intention is often experienced as a prayer or invocation they use to begin their spiritual practice each day.

“What do you think might happen,” I asked, “if you set an intention before every task you do throughout the day?”

“But, how can I possibly stay connected to Source when I’m doing a task I hate, like answering email?” asked one participant.

That question led to the definition of Intention: how you want to feel while doing something. In their spiritual practice they wanted to feel connected to Source. When they allowed their aversions or apathy to navigate their day, they were unconsciously setting intentions that dis-connected them from Source.

Here are three ways you may be unconsciously setting intentions during the day:

• Intention as a Chore: this is the type of intention most of us have been taught to hold. How many tasks do you do each day because you have to: I have to pay the bills, do the dishes, finish this report, etc. Each time you tell yourself, you have to do something, you’ve set an intention. Each of us experiences ‘have to’ in different ways, but it is usually associated with a less-than-joyful emotion. You may feel a sense of burden or victimization or fear.

• Intention as a Choice: you activate this type of intention every time you make a choice to do or not do something. The reason behind your choice is the intention you’re setting. For example, “if I don’t pay the mortgage, I’ll lose my house” sets an intention to experience lack or fear.

• Intention as a Specific Outcome: this is the type of intention you activate whenever you want a situation to be resolved in a certain way. For example, “I will attract $100,000 over the next six months.” The difficulty with this type of intention is the judgment you may hold around yourself if the specific outcome doesn’t manifest itself. If the $100,000 doesn’t show up, you may feel as if you’re doing something wrong or you’re not sufficiently evolved enough to attract that much money.

Every minute of every day, you are setting an intention either consciously or unconsciously. You know, from your spiritual practice, how powerful a consciously set intention can be. When you begin to raise your awareness around your unconscious intentions, you can begin bring them into alignment with our overall intention to stay connected to Source.

Self-Coaching Tip: Use Elements of Your Spiritual Practice Throughout the Day

Chances are if you're reading this, you have a spiritual practice. It might be meditation or prayer or yoga or painting or walking. But, within that spiritual practice you'll find clues to help you learn how to coach your self.

You'll find these clues by deconstructing, or breaking down, your spiritual practice. The movement associated with your spiritual practice is a form of self-coaching. Every spiritual practice includes some kind of ritual movement: a repetitive movement that allows you to connect in with Source. This repetitive movement brings your body into a sense of well-being and deep relaxation that allows you to tap into the higher brain processes necessary for connecting to Source. In short, you're coaching your Self into the body-emotion-thought patterns needed for Spiritual Connection.

The movement might be whole-body movement like that found in yoga or T'ai Chi, or it might be a subtle movement like deep breathing. Whatever your ritual movement is, you automatically move into your body, which brings you into the present moment.

When I began looking at the amount of movement during my day, I discovered just how sedentary my life was. As a writer, I sit in front of a computer all day long. The longer I sit, the shallower my breathing becomes and the harder I have to work to even think, let alone stay in the present moment. Interruptions late in the day annoyed me and I reacted to them in not-so-loving ways.

At first, I thought I needed to add more exercise to my day, but that really didn't help me stay present and relaxed throughout the whole day. So, I looked at my spiritual practice more closely. The amount of movement I needed to stay present and connected to Source didn't require 30-minutes of aerobic activity. To move into that place of connectedness, all I needed to do was move my body and change my posture. This movement changed my breathing, relaxed my body and stilled my mind.

I began incorporating one-minute movement breaks into my day. Using a kitchen timer, I stopped whatever I was working on every hour. I moved my whole body for 1-2 minutes (for movement break suggestions, see "Take 1-2 minute Movement Breaks).

The results were amazing! At the end of the day, I felt more energized, more creative and more connected to Source. I slept better at night and throughout the day I stayed in a more loving place, quietly welcoming interruptions as just another opportunity for movement that kept me connected to my Spiritual Nature.

Self-Coaching Tip: Increase Your Tolerance for Bliss

Several years ago, one of my life-long dreams came true. It took me by surprise and, once I recovered from the shock, I began crying uncontrollably. After an hour, I was still crying, wondering what was wrong with me. I called my therapist and told him what had happened. He told me I was crying because I was happy. I told him this didn't feel like happiness to me!

At that moment, my 6-year old son walked into the room, looked at my face and asked, "Momma, why are you sad?"

"I'm not sad. I'm happy."

"Why do you look sad?"

"Because I don't do happy very well, yet."

That seemed a perfectly logical answer to him and he went back to playing. And it seemed quite logical to me, too. I couldn't remember ever feeling quite like this before and the feeling scared me. It was too much of something, a good thing. But, now that I knew what it was, I could begin to learn how to process it.

I went into the living room, lit a fire in the fireplace, and, over the next two hours, attempted to let the happiness in. I did it slowly, a little bit at a time. Marveling at the new levels of joy and happiness I was beginning to experience. I began by setting an intention to allow in only as much joy as I could handle. Then, I breathed into the joy, focusing my attention on my heart because the energy of the joy seemed pressing down on my chest. I continued breathing into my heart, allowing it to be whatever it wanted to be. And soon the pain subsided, and a healing, calming presence replaced the scary pressure.

All my life, I've been holding on to, processing and healing painful emotions (energy). But, that day, I realized I had always pushed happiness and joy away, never allowing it in, never processing it, never tapping in to the healing qualities of these very positive emotions.

Because I had neglected getting to know these positive emotions, I didn't even recognize them when I felt them. They seemed too big, too overwhelming, too threatening. They scared me so much that I ran from them, assigning some negative connotation to them, and by extension, to me.

I've since discovered that as we learn to efficiently process emotions (energy), our bodies go through a detoxification, leaving us with new, sometimes, frightening feelings (emotions). Often these feelings, although initially painful, are really new, unfamiliar levels of peace, joy, happiness and/or contentment. Now, my clients and I periodically set our intentions to increase our Tolerance for Bliss.