Just Say No! (or How to Survive as an Empath)

Loving Greetings,

As trusted friends, family and Conscious Empaths helped me understand just how much information I was processing, on the physical and energetic levels, I began to understand why I was always overwhelmed: information overload! (see last week's entry, "What Every Empath Needs).

The Conscious Empaths in my life introduced me to a new concept: "Just say No."

As an empath, it's difficult to say 'no' to someone. After all, you're going to feel the disappointment, anger, pain, etc. that the other person feels when you say 'no' to them. I had gotten into the habit of saying 'yes' because it was easier than dealing with the other person's emotions. But, the damage to my body and psyche were taking its toll on me and making it much more difficult to process all the sensory and energetic information I was receiving.

I will admit, saying 'no' to others was the most difficult step for me to take. The first few times I tried didn't go over very well. Others were angry and I felt guilty. So, I took a step back and reviewed what was going on.

I started by writing out the conversations when I said 'no.' This gave me a starting point. Then, I went back to the written dialogue and wrote in the margins what was happening to me physically, emotionally and intellectually. That's when the patterns began showing up. There were 3 distinct patterns:

1. physically: my energy drained away when the other person asked for help.
2. emotionally: I wanted to help them, but felt overwhelmed at the prospect.
3. intellectually: I was raised to believe a good person willingly sacrificed for others; and I had learned from experience, that relying on others for our happiness didn't work.

I was definitely conflicted emotionally and intellectually. The only clear sign I was getting was from my body as my energy drained away. Since I was already overwhelmed, I didn't have the energy to de-tangle the emotional and intellectual conflicts, so I focused on what my body was telling me.

The next time someone asked me for help, I focused on my body's reaction to the request. Sure enough, my energy drained away. So, I simply told the other person that I wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be able to help at this time. And the other person was fine with that!

I was blown away by how easy that was! What had just happened?

It took me quite a while to figure out what had happened, but for the next few weeks, I relied upon my body to let me know what to say. Sometimes, my energy did not drain away, so I went ahead and said 'yes' to a request. But, when my energy drained, I said 'no.'

After a while, it didn't matter why this was working. Only that it was working. But, I will share some things I figured out:

• First, I was developing a better relationship with my body. When I actually listened to it, I was acknowledging its needs. As it turned out, my adrenal gland was so overstressed from not paying attention to my body's needs, that my body never wanted to expend any energy for anything. I stopped hating my body for its inadequate energy levels and my body began trusting me enough to provide more energy when it was available.

• Second, I learned that even non-sensitives can sense other's energy states. Scientific experiments show that the person who is sensing the other's energy actually feels it more intensely than the person who is feeling it. So, when I felt conflicted and guilty about not helping someone, the other person felt my conflict and guilt and took it personally.

• Third, I discovered that when I focused on what my body was telling me, my conflicted emotions and thoughts disappeared. And I learned that conflicted thoughts and emotions consume a lot of energy! When the conflict disappeared, my energy remained, and occasionally, increased. This was a bonus!

• Finally, the quality of help I provided to others improved, which ultimately allowed me to help more people than before. If I'm not taking care of myself (i.e. listening to my body), I can't effectively help others. I'll end up resenting them and me. I'll end up sick, sometimes sick enough to end up in the hospital. There is a reason the airlines make parents put on their masks before helping their children. If the parent isn't conscious, the child won't get helped. If I'm not conscious as an empath, I can't help myself, let alone, anyone else.

So, why not try listening to your body for a day or a week and see if it works for you, too? Just check in to see if your energy drains away or if you feel energized. If it drains away at the prospect of doing something, just say 'no' for now.

Peace and Blessings,

Carolyn

Want more tips on how your body can help you survive as an Empath? Check out my ebook, The Survival Guide for Empaths, Clairsentients and Highly Sensitive Persons