Self-Coaching Tip: Move Your Body, Change Your Thoughts

For a large part of my life, my Inner Critic often stopped me from learning or doing something new by saying, "I'm not smart enough to learn this." And then, it reminded me of all the subjects in school that I struggled with like math and science. I literally re-lived the pain and embarrassment and confusion of various math and science classes throughout my school years each time I tried to learn something new.

Here was a belief about myself that was not supporting me.

I was convinced that my brain was just ‘too slow’ to understand new ideas. But, my story about ‘being slow’ was only a part of the picture. When I applied self-coaching to look at the whole picture, I discovered a few surprises. Remember, self-coaching includes looking at your body, emotion and thought patterns. Here’s what the whole picture looked like:

• Story/ Thoughts: I’m too slow to learn new ideas.
• Emotions: pain, embarrassment & confusion
• Body: quick, jerky and clumsy movements

For me, being stupid meant being slow. My body movements, however, were anything but slow. My breathing was fast and shallow. My movements (walking, talking, picking things up) were too fast and uncoordinated.

Somewhere along the line, my body, in a constant state of stress, had forgotten the pattern of slowing down. So, I used contrasting movement to learn how to re-gain control of my body. I began by speeding up my breathing and movements and then contrasted that with slower breathing and movements. When I noticed I was racing across the room, I slowed my walking to a crawl before resuming a more normal pace. When I became aware that I was talking very fast, I took a breath and forced myself to speak more slowly. When I recognized that I was racing through housework, I stopped and did it in slow motion for a moment. When I resumed the housework, my movements were more coordinated and graceful.

It only took a few days before I began noticing the difference in my thoughts and reactions to situations. First, my Inner Critic quieted down enough so I could remember that some subjects in school were very easy for me. English, French, and History classes were so much fun for me that they didn’t seem like work. When I came into contact with other people, my thoughts were calmer and I could access many different options in a situation. My responses became more appropriate for the situations and people were being kind, rather than attacking me.

By changing my body movements, I easily and permanently changed my belief about myself. I no longer think of myself as stupid. The thoughts you think about your self are just patterns. They are held in place by emotional and body patterns. And the body pattern is the most predominant pattern. By changing your body’s pattern, by moving it differently, you can change very deep-seated beliefs that no longer serve you.

So, as you begin to coach yourself, don’t use sheer willpower. Move your body and change your thoughts. To find out more about the most effective movements to add to your self-coaching, join our 4-month Spiritual Cross-Training program, risk-free.

Self-Coaching Tip: If You Can't Breathe....Laugh!

In the wee hours of a morning, during my son's first month of life, I rocked Jonathan to sleep after his two a.m. feeding. I had dozed for a moment or so, lulled by the gentle rhythmic rocking and the heat of our bodies against one another. When I swam back to consciousness, I opened my eyes expecting to find Jonathan asleep.

Instead, my son, whose waking moments always reminded me of an underwater ballet or a sleep walker, was wide awake. His large, midnight blue eyes sparkled in delight as they explored our surroundings. At one point in his "travels," he glanced at my face and moved on. Stopped. Moved back to my face. Realized I was awake. Shut his eyes tightly, his little body tensed as he feigned sleep.

"You little stinker!" I whispered awed by the level of consciousness I was witnessing.

Jonathan squeezed his eyes tighter, his grinning mouth open in soundless laughter while his body convulsed in ripples of delight. I laughed with him, the sounds he couldn't yet make echoing throughout the still house.

I held him in my arms all that night, reluctant to end this sacred moment. For in his playfulness, I had caught my first glimpse of Jonathan's soul and was caught up in the enchanted spell of my son's Being.

Something changed in me that night. It was if my heart opened to let in more of the Universe. And in the twelve years since that moment, my level of awareness continues to grow, as if mirroring Jonathan's ever-expanding consciousness.

In the first days of Jonathan's existence, I was overwhelmed by the responsibility for this tiny creature. Never in my life had I experienced such primal terror. It went way beyond any fear I had ever known and I relied upon the routine of motherhood to get me through each day. Awkwardly, I fed and bathed Jonathan. Changing diapers was a fifteen-minute ordeal that I struggled to get "right." (I have no idea how long it would have taken me if I'd had to contend with diaper pins! Thank the Goddess and disposable diaper manufacturers!)

Every waking moment – and, from the nightmares that I remember, every sleeping moment, too – was focused on Jonathan's well being. I felt possessed. Disoriented. My memory failed me. I couldn't remember how to do any tasks if they were not related to Jonathan's care. I forgot to keep appointments, unless they were with Jonathan's doctor. I kept Jonathan's room immaculate, but forgot to clean the rest of the house. I couldn't carry on an adult conversation unless I was talking about Jonathan. I was boring. I was lost.

But, that night, when Jonathan emerged from his sleepwalking state into consciousness, I woke from my fog of terror and surrendered to the spiritual path of parenting. And my first lesson was to honor and revere the Spiritual Teacher the Universe had sent me – my son. Jonathan's antics reminded me to breathe – and if you can't breathe, laugh. Our shared laughter that night brought forth my first inkling that parenting was not a solitary task, but an interaction, an interconnectedness, an interdependence with an Other. A Sacred Relationship.

In the months following my night of surrender, I took my first steps toward spiritual awareness. I moved from the single-mindedness of childhood and adolescence to what the parenting books call "diffuse awareness," the ability to be aware of your child while attending to other tasks. It was difficult at first, and awkward. I resented it. Gone were the days when I could block out the rest of the world by snuggling in a chair with the latest science fiction novel. Gone, too, were endless telephone conversations with friends. No more immersion into my passions for writing or daydreaming or dancing. This tiny person had taken over. He had insinuated his essence into every cell of my being. My whole reality was reduced to the care of Jonathan.

But, the process of parenting, like any spiritual path, provided both the motivation and the method for growth. Once again, Jonathan was my teacher and my mirror. I had always ignored my physical needs when working, focused solely on getting the job done...perfectly. When working, I forgot to eat; I ignored fatigue, pushing myself way beyond my physical limits; I chastised myself for mistakes; and sunk into depression when I became emotionally overwhelmed. My resentment about my narrowed world of parenting stemmed from my need to block out the rest of the world while performing any tasks. Jonathan taught me how to move out of this place of limited awareness through self-care.

Jonathan's world revolved around his physical needs. His insistent demands for food, sleep, dry diapers and attention were loud and clear. Only when his physical needs were met, could Jonathan engage with the rest of the world, including me. I finally realized he couldn't learn when those needs were not being met, and Jonathan was happiest when he was learning. So, following his lead, I began to learn how to listen to my own needs: to nap when I needed sleep, eat when I was hungry, play always, laugh whenever possible.

And my world began to expand. Performing tasks became easier and more enjoyable. I smiled more often. I began to experience moments of profound spiritual awareness, of complete inner peace. My body, which I had always ignored, and my son, who refused to be ignored, taught me a great spiritual truth: I need to remain connected to my body in order to experience my spirituality and stay connected to my Soul.

Self-Coaching Tip: Your Soul's Desires Activate the Law of Attraction

Sometimes knowing about the Law of Attraction can get you into trouble. You begin to measure your spiritual growth by what you’re attracting into your life. You know, getting the flu means you're harboring less than joyful emotions, lower back pain means you have a poor relationship with money, feeling fear means you're spiritually lacking. You judge what is coming into your life, and subsequently, you judge your self. But Spirit, in it’s infinite wisdom, is sending you exactly what you need to attract what you truly desire.

Here's an example from Belinda Ryan, a Master Spiritual Life Coach:

"While going through a sticky divorce, my lawyer told me I couldn’t sell the house. However, my ex-husband wasn’t paying alimony, my lawyer refused to do any more work until he was paid, and my checking account was overdrawn. I needed the money that selling the house would bring me.

"I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. ‘Why?’ was a question all too available.

"Realizing my question put me in a ‘victim’ place, I asked myself, ‘What can I do for myself in this moment?’

"I broke away from my upset to take a shower. While calming down under the warm water, I remembered to ask myself some more connecting questions such as ‘What do I really want?’

"My answer shocked me: ‘Well, I really want to stay in the house with my children!’"

Get in Touch with What You Truly Want, Not What You Think You Want

The Law of Attraction is always working to bring you what you truly want; not what you think you want. Belinda learned that the Law of Attraction would make it impossible for her to give up what she truly desired even though logic told her she had to sell her house in order to provide for her children.

The Law of Attraction is activated by your desires (emotions). It doesn’t take into account what you perceive as the ‘logical thing to do’ nor does it take into account any judgments you may have about your own desires.

As long as you remain unconscious about your deeply held emotional desires, you feel helpless and powerless to deal with whatever you’re attracting into your life. Only when you have a self-coaching process to bring into conscious awareness your deepest desires can you begin to feel empowered and consciously activate the Law of Attraction.

The most miraculous aspect of the Law of Attraction is that it doesn’t keep score. For example, once you’ve connected in with your Soul’s Desire and gotten clear about what you want, the Law of Attraction goes to work. You don’t have to clear your account of all the times you unintentionally or unconsciously attracted something else.
To Activate the Law of Attraction, You Must Allow in Your Deepest Desires

Allowing is a self-coaching skill that requires specific body, emotion and thought patterns. Once Belinda began to “allow” (stop resisting) her Deepest Desire to stay in the family home even though it appeared financially foolish, the external situation changed immediately.

Belinda’s attorney, who had refused to do any more work for her until he was paid, changed his attitude. He worked to get the back support payments from Belinda’s ex-husband so he could be paid. This also gave Belinda the money she needed to provide for her children.

Over the following months of the divorce proceedings, Belinda realized how much stability she and the children felt because they stayed in the house. If they had moved, Belinda and her children would have had to deal with two major life-changing stresses: moving AND divorce. Staying in the house, a familiar setting, gave them a sense of comfort and security during the major changes that occurred because of the divorce.

Belinda also had a new intention for herself: “I am open to other possibilities so that I can recognize solutions when they arrive instead of remaining blinded by my panic.”


(excerpted from "Spiritual Cross-Training: REAL-izing Your Authentic Power in Today's World)