Just Say No! (or How to Survive as an Empath)

Loving Greetings,

As trusted friends, family and Conscious Empaths helped me understand just how much information I was processing, on the physical and energetic levels, I began to understand why I was always overwhelmed: information overload! (see last week's entry, "What Every Empath Needs).

The Conscious Empaths in my life introduced me to a new concept: "Just say No."

As an empath, it's difficult to say 'no' to someone. After all, you're going to feel the disappointment, anger, pain, etc. that the other person feels when you say 'no' to them. I had gotten into the habit of saying 'yes' because it was easier than dealing with the other person's emotions. But, the damage to my body and psyche were taking its toll on me and making it much more difficult to process all the sensory and energetic information I was receiving.

I will admit, saying 'no' to others was the most difficult step for me to take. The first few times I tried didn't go over very well. Others were angry and I felt guilty. So, I took a step back and reviewed what was going on.

I started by writing out the conversations when I said 'no.' This gave me a starting point. Then, I went back to the written dialogue and wrote in the margins what was happening to me physically, emotionally and intellectually. That's when the patterns began showing up. There were 3 distinct patterns:

1. physically: my energy drained away when the other person asked for help.
2. emotionally: I wanted to help them, but felt overwhelmed at the prospect.
3. intellectually: I was raised to believe a good person willingly sacrificed for others; and I had learned from experience, that relying on others for our happiness didn't work.

I was definitely conflicted emotionally and intellectually. The only clear sign I was getting was from my body as my energy drained away. Since I was already overwhelmed, I didn't have the energy to de-tangle the emotional and intellectual conflicts, so I focused on what my body was telling me.

The next time someone asked me for help, I focused on my body's reaction to the request. Sure enough, my energy drained away. So, I simply told the other person that I wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be able to help at this time. And the other person was fine with that!

I was blown away by how easy that was! What had just happened?

It took me quite a while to figure out what had happened, but for the next few weeks, I relied upon my body to let me know what to say. Sometimes, my energy did not drain away, so I went ahead and said 'yes' to a request. But, when my energy drained, I said 'no.'

After a while, it didn't matter why this was working. Only that it was working. But, I will share some things I figured out:

• First, I was developing a better relationship with my body. When I actually listened to it, I was acknowledging its needs. As it turned out, my adrenal gland was so overstressed from not paying attention to my body's needs, that my body never wanted to expend any energy for anything. I stopped hating my body for its inadequate energy levels and my body began trusting me enough to provide more energy when it was available.

• Second, I learned that even non-sensitives can sense other's energy states. Scientific experiments show that the person who is sensing the other's energy actually feels it more intensely than the person who is feeling it. So, when I felt conflicted and guilty about not helping someone, the other person felt my conflict and guilt and took it personally.

• Third, I discovered that when I focused on what my body was telling me, my conflicted emotions and thoughts disappeared. And I learned that conflicted thoughts and emotions consume a lot of energy! When the conflict disappeared, my energy remained, and occasionally, increased. This was a bonus!

• Finally, the quality of help I provided to others improved, which ultimately allowed me to help more people than before. If I'm not taking care of myself (i.e. listening to my body), I can't effectively help others. I'll end up resenting them and me. I'll end up sick, sometimes sick enough to end up in the hospital. There is a reason the airlines make parents put on their masks before helping their children. If the parent isn't conscious, the child won't get helped. If I'm not conscious as an empath, I can't help myself, let alone, anyone else.

So, why not try listening to your body for a day or a week and see if it works for you, too? Just check in to see if your energy drains away or if you feel energized. If it drains away at the prospect of doing something, just say 'no' for now.

Peace and Blessings,

Carolyn

Want more tips on how your body can help you survive as an Empath? Check out my ebook, The Survival Guide for Empaths, Clairsentients and Highly Sensitive Persons

What Every Empath Needs

Loving Greetings,

The bottom line: every empath needs other Conscious, Empowered empaths in their lives.

Chances are you already know one or two. You just don't know they, too, are empaths because a conscious, empowered empath doesn't seem affected by everything going on around them. (Nice idea, isn't it?)

Once I became used to the idea of being an empath (I was in my forties, remember), I set an Intention to find out what exactly that means for me. This is where the conscious, empowered empaths in my life came in handy. They could point out what was happening on a physical plane vs what I was picking up energetically.

This was a very good thing to know.

This was also how I found out I wasn't stupid. Think about it. All those years in school, I always seemed to be missing a crucial piece of information or a step in a math or scientific process. So, my tests and papers scored poorly because I didn't seem to have the whole picture.

Well, how could I? While I was trying to learn an algebraic process, I was also taking in the whole energetic picture of my classmates and teacher. I was unconsciously absorbing so much energetic information from everyone around me, that I couldn't understand anything.

As an adult, I continued to absorb energetic information without understanding what was going on. I was always overwhelmed from information overload. I was also upsetting people because I was saying or doing the 'wrong' thing while reacting to the energies around me.

This unconscious absorbing really got in the way of everything important in my life: relationships, work, health, finances, etc. Once I realized I needed help, I went searching for it and it showed up in the darndest places...

For example, I was visiting friends, when I suddenly felt like someone just hit me in the stomach. I got dizzy and then felt like I was falling into a deep, black hole.

Before I fell off my chair, the woman sitting next to me, touched my hand and whisped in my ear, "that's not you." She pointed to another friend who was talking about his run-in with a co-worker that day. "He's sending out that energy," she said.

I was still having trouble breathing so I made my excuses and went home. But I still felt that awful energy. I was still feeling it several days later when I met with my coach. I ranted for a while about the unfairness of it all. I was beginning to hate this friend. I was even considering dropping him from my life. Why should I have to suffer this much? Why did anyone think this was a gift? Why wasn't there some way to protect myself?

But, I had learned one thing: I needed help. I began talking to a couple of trusted friends and family members about my sensitivities. They were eager to help. For a while, I took someone with me when I went out. They told me what was going on from their perspective. I shared what I was picking up energetically.

It didn't take long for me to realize just how much was going on from the non-sensitive perspective. The energetic information was getting in the way. No wonder my reactions were often inappropriate.

Obviously, I was going to have to find a way to process this energetic information so it didn't get in the way of understanding what others were experiencing. This is where the conscious, empowered empaths helped me. They were already doing it.

Next week, I'll share some of their, and now my, ways of processing this information.

Peace and Blessings,

Carolyn

Want to know more? Check out my ebook, Survival Guide for Empaths, Clairsentients, and Highly Sensitive Persons.

Gift or Curse?

Loving Greetings,

I'll admit it. When my coach first told me I was an empath, I wasn't happy.

Sure, it explained a lot. Why I felt physically uncomfortable when I was around others. Why I experienced sudden, unexplained emotional highs and lows. Why I felt overwhelmed almost all of the time. Why I preferred being alone most of the time.

But, putting a label on it wasn't helping me feel better. It made me feel more helpless; as if, this 'empath' thing was just one more thing I had no control over. And, while my coach tried to help me, she didn't have many solutions that worked for me.

After several weeks of feeling 'cursed' with this empath condition, it finally occurred to me that maybe I was making myself more miserable with all the stories I was telling myself about 'empaths.' (Most of my stories were based on an old Star Trek episode in which an alien empath was at the mercy of everyone else's feelings -- and I definitely felt like a victim at the mercy of the rest of the world).

Perhaps it was time to explore this 'condition' to find ways to help myself.

That was 10 years ago. There wasn't much on the internet at the time, but it was the start of a miraculous journey of self-healing and empowerment. No longer do I view my empath abilities as a 'curse.' Instead, I embrace the gifts that come with my sensitivities to become a better person, parent, minister, spiritual life coach, and human being.

As I became more empowered as an empath, people began showing up: some as teachers, many as clients. I began sharing with them what I had learned about myself and that sharing not only helped my clients, but also accelerated my own journey to empowerment because I learned as much from my clients as they did from me.

With this blog, I continue my journey. I don't have all the answers for you, but I can share what I've learned. Keep in mind that every empath is different, so not everything will apply to you.

So, let's begin....
I have learned that empaths need out-of-the box solutions to everyday situations in order to live a life of peace and harmony. These solutions include:

• learning how to read your body's sensitivities as guidance and wisdom to increase your options in any situation, reduce overwhelm, enhance your creativity and improve your problem-solving abilities;
• raising your emotional intelligence to reduce your sensitivities, increase your ability for self-healing and helping others without losing yourself in the process;
• tapping into your Spiritual Nature to access the gifts of your sensitivities whenever you like.

Over the next few weeks, I'll discuss these solutions in more detail. I invite you to try them out for yourself. Do what feels good and leave the rest.

Peace and Blessings,
Carolyn



Want to know more before the next posting?

If you're overwhelmed, check out my ebook, Survival Guide for Empaths, Clairsentients and Highly Sensitive Persons

For more information, check out my website: The Care & Feeding of Empaths and HSPs.